Recently, my husband of 25 years and father of our two children told me that I am like a nat! That I keep swarming around their heads nagging at them –and although the kids just keep swatting me away; and I keep coming back until I feel like I got my point made!
Ouch; the truth hurts! Yet, we laughed more than I needed a band aid, because the truth is also funny! Honestly, I thank God for my family’s patience and honesty, for they know my heart means well and they know I love them and won’t ever give up teaching them a better way as I learn.
I have learned more from that one statement in the past couple of weeks –which maybe everything I have learned my whole life actually revolves around this one tremendous learn! Because, if we can’t learn how to teach what we learn in an attractive way, it’s a battle like swimming upstream against the current!
Whether in ministry, marriage or about raising kids, there is something powerful to learn about evolving from a nat!
Our daughter is driving now and she is very good, but she is a teenager with much to learn, but the question is can I teach her in a way that she will want to hear what I say?
I learned yesterday as my heart of God was reminded of the Word of God, “Do not provoke your children to anger.” And another topic for another day is all about Honor –“Honor your mother and Father” Honor the Lord thy God!” This is for the children and today I am a parent and yet still a child of God, so I need to not only teach my children to honor … I need to Honor my God; as I reflect Him.
I thank God that my earthly dad taught me honor well! I respect my God and I respect my dad, but I am commanded by God to honor, so I also from my heart honor my mom and my dad; as I honor my God. …and I hope this writing from my honest heart will be a blessing to you –as it is a blessing to me to share as I learn!
I believe that Today’s inspiration is encouraging the value in a Godly approach with restraint and also, on teaching our children to honor –the greatest gift we can give our children …
Scripture says: “Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise …—Ephesians 6:2”
The potential to be a nat is greatest in the passenger’s seat of the car –the scariest place to be, when the temptation comes to you to fear a lack of control over protecting your child! Front row and center, you can see all the same dangers that lie ahead while rolling down the road along with a kazillion other cars and your teenage daughter is the driver! All a mom wants to do is protect, protect, protect and we do that by warning and steering our children all the while teaching them a better way.
Yet, can you imagine how that feels in the driver’s seat? “Stop. Go. Turn. Watch out. Be careful. Slow Down. Not so close.” And the list goes on; and usually explanations are said in fear, so the emotions behind the realistic fear dramatize the words.
Okay, I will say that I am not that bad, and that I restrain to faith most times, smiles …
but my daughter would probably say that I am worse –and since she is on the receiving end, we best listen to her!
Still learning from my dad (smiles); and my Father in Heaven – There is a better way to teach my children; and that is to position my words to inspire my children’s thinking …
Following me for a moment to get a picture…
On our drive home this week from my daughter’s first drive in the city with more traffic, where people make up their own rules at 3 way stop signs, and another driver was flipping her off on the interstate because my daughter was impeding their speeding; I paused and laughed after we survived being recklessly passed by ‘I am only assuming a sober driver’.
This is where the learning began … in the joy of the LORD!
After, being a nat all day to my daughter about her driving skills (let’s be honest), I was grateful that this day didn’t leave me that way! God gave me an opportunity to teach my daughter about road rage and this time with laughter!
A rude driver pushing us down the road and my daughter listened to me, but more important –I was learning how to be a better teacher! I understand the anger that my daughter felt as that woman was attempting to push her out of the way in the rudest of ways, but I told her, “We have to pray for ignorant people and just let them go on.”
We can’t give angry drivers the control of our ability to drive safely.
As we watched this determined woman cut people off –now in front of us, the temptation was there to become angry and concerned, but instead we laughed, as I reminded us both of their need of our prayers, because of their ignorant driving. Ignorance is a lack of knowledge to know to do better, and sometimes, like when we were watching this woman recklessly drive –We laughed in the freedom of our ability to speak the truth about something we could not change, but we could pray! Speaking in the way this woman was in fact recklessly determined; we were simply speaking the truth … Just like my husband spoke the truth to me that I was being like a nat!
There is prayerful power in the freedom of the Truth and it was joyous to say “and, I am not so sure that some of them are not stupid!” … but not without restraint in my heart of prayer to pray …
Why am I sharing this? First, this was all part of the same lesson for me as I am learning more and more about the beauty in evolving from being like a nat to an honorable teacher with the Wisdom from God!
To me, my grace of God comes when I have the freedom to speak the truth, but with love and prayers remaining in Jesus –not cursing to bring harm to anyone!
Jesus saves!
The joy of the Lord is good and “in step with the Spirit” is our strength!
Biblically, Ignorance is a basic lack of knowledge to know God’s Love and way –God’s love and way that is for all, but we need believe and seek the truth to find our knowledge to know how to do better.”
There is Freedom in Understanding … If you don’t know God’s love for you, then how can you show the same love (patience and kindness) to others?
Back on route from that little detour:
As parents, we are learning every day how to parent like God!
I paused on this trip home; after realizing the “nat mom assistant driver” that I had been … at U-turns and 3-Way Stops! And, simply said in an apology way, I said to my daughter,
“Do you know what your grandpa would have said to me when I made a mistake driving?
I answered as I admitted that I have made the same kind of mistakes as I was learning to drive, but … my dad; my daughter’s grandpa was better with his words to me and I paused to learn in that moment a better way!
Grandpa would have simply said,“You know what you did back there, right? –and I would simply say, “Yes, dad; I do.”
THAT WAS IT!
Then, the most my dad would say when needed, would be, “Next time, … ” and he would advise me of a better way as I learned from that moment!
My dad built me up with his words that allowed me to process my thoughts to learn as he was teaching me all along the way!
And the things I didn’t know, he would notice; and then teach me what I needed to learn in patient, kind, respectful and honorable way!
I have such a respect for my dad and I want the same for my kids!
After I remembered my dad’s way, on this same trip home –right around the same time as this rude driver was attacking us. We were on the way home with smiles …and to God be the glory, K-Love spoke about raising our children!
I was texting my husband one statement that was LIFE and LIGHT from God to our parenting skills, but for a moment I had to pause to address this driver that demanded our focus! And that was the timeline, but honestly, at the time, I was mostly thinking about our son and our parental words to him!
We have both been guilty of that bewilderment in “why, why did you do that?” Our daughter didn’t pose us with the same challenges that we face, as we do with our energetic and experimental son, but yet, I am learning this awakening applies to all aspects of life with God and all those HE loves!
We have noticed that our parental words of “why did you do that?” Gives our son, “Fireman Reload” [if you read about that story: Love Watching thru the Window, by Karen Rowe] an opportunity to think, “If I can just come up with a good enough excuse, then I won’t get in as much trouble”.
We many times feel helpless in our parenting skills of what to do differently –every child is different and by the time we learn one thing, it is time to learn something new and by the time we get that down, the next child will be different in the way they need a mom or a dad –this is normal; and there is HOPE!
Parents are not failures, we just learn as we go and for me, it was like a light to me and my husband as I heard K-Love speak the truth about why not to say, “Why did you do that?”!
Today, I don’t know about those who will read this, but as for me and my house hold we will sever the Lord!
Joshua 24:14-15 King James Version (KJV)
14 Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the Lord.
15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
As a parent, I am taking a stand to commit to being a better mom! I texted my husband this small statement from K-Love and he replied back “Awesome!”
The gest of that statement was instead of asking our children in emotional bewilderment [emphasis mine] “Why did you do that?” –which teaches our child to think of excuses for the behavior!
Rather ask them, “What DID you do? –Giving a child an opportunity to confess their mistake!
And instead of asking them “Why did you do that, ask them “What SHOULD you have done? –Giving them an opportunity to process their mistake and think about what they could change.
This teaches confession with repentance!
Also, Instead of asking “what is wrong with you?” which [to me] is more dangerous, because it teaches our children that they are excused based on how they are made, which is not only an excuse to fail, but is a lie … that unconditionally of the truth on a child’s ability –a child is wonderfully and fearfully made by God!
Our children are wonderfully and fearfully made with the potential to do all that is on their heart to do! Our job as a parent is to mold them and teach them in a loving and respectful way according the Word of God!
As parents we need to avoid the hurtful words that come out of our mouth … as we as parents struggle to succeed; and not to fail! –And when you think about it, we can tend to “feel” like a failure as a parent … when our children surprise us by what they do;
… just as we tend to “feel” proud … as their behavior makes us proud of them! …
It is not the child who is bad; The Child is made good by God!
It is the behavior that is bad or good, but all the time, the child is good … and there is a distinct difference!
Parenting is not about feelings –but rather about modeling and reflecting God in LOVE! It is about our job of teaching, protecting, guiding, but most of all loving our children, like The Father in Heaven loves His child with patience and kindness, but yet with a firm hand and secure words that securely and safely land us with respect and love; and builds us UP –
Our Father in Heaven does not tear us down; and neither should we –whether as a Christian friend, in Ministry, a marriage or any relationship, including parental!
We as parents need to take a fresh look at God’s Word about discipline and know the difference between abuse and discipline –whether with our words; or with Wisdom in the Woodshed! Correction with love produces security and does not leave scars; it creates respect for authority and resolves, forgives and forgets!
As we teach our children God’s way, we need to leave room for plenty of communication! We need to distinguish between [immaturity and disobedience] and between [inability and defiance]. God doesn’t surprise us with discipline, and neither should we surprise our children –Discipline is expected for certain behavior which has already been made clear! And Discipline is for teaching a better way, because we care and love … and our words should be teachable words!
Whether with words; or in the woodshed, there is a line between abuse and discipline: But I have always said that avoiding discipline is abuse in itself, because it is about teaching a better way -to promote honor, respect, dignity and integrity, love and give life to a soul with hope and security!
Learning from the Word of God we can evolve from being a nat with a good heart, but a person of whom others just want to swat away! To a teacher modeling God’s way of honor and integrity!
We can teach and model integrity by changing our words from demanding learning because we care and have and opinon –to teaching God’s Holy way, because of LOVE and knowledge of God’s Holy Way …
Allowing room for a person to hear God speak to their heart and process those thoughts that they already know … then there is a place we can teach!
To God be the glory! Thank you for allowing me to share what was on my heart this morning and I hope that this is a blessing to someone; maybe even you.
Love in Christ,
Karen Rowe
Founder of Hope in Today Ministries, Inc.
Author of The Train Whistle, Sounding the Call of God’s Love