July 14, 2013. Mark this day in history . . . I was finally excited to go to church. Strange? Yep, but after attending the same church for over a year I was giddy with anticipation. Well, I’m not really the giddy sort, but for this introvert it was quite an event. Not because my church isn’t great, because it is. Not because the people aren’t wonderful, because they are! Not because the pastor and his wife don’t rock, because they do! It was more of a me thing.
As I drove toward my church home, something smiled in my heart. The usual dread of walking in alone and making small talk was replaced by an atypical smile in my heart. I didn’t know it at the time, but God was taking me full circle that morning.
My Need
January of every year ushers in an annual event for many of my friends: choosing a “word for the year”. Me? In 2012 didn’t have one . . . didn’t want one, and didn’t care. But along came February and the worship team at my church (which I had just started attending) sang a song about an awakening soul. That appealed to me because, dang, I was choking from being so dry spiritually. Ever been there? I think the song found me more than I found it because I certainly wasn’t looking for it OR a word, but I got both. I adopted “awakening” as my word for 2012.
I prayed for awakening, and God immediately got to work. He prompted my to set aside my writing aspirations. I obeyed despite having just published my first article in a Focus on the Family magazine and selling them a second one. For any of you not familiar with world of writing, being published in anything FOTF is HUGE!!! But, I backed away from my desire to become a Christian writer/speaker after investing over 10 years in the endeavor. Yep, you read right, 10 years! So, what do you do when God asks you to release the desires of YOUR heart so you can pursue HIM? You sit at the foot of the cross and remember what you prayed for. You trust God and chase Him down! That is exactly what I did.
My Awakening
When I started investing quality time in God my soul started to stir. Elijah the Prophet taught me that there’s no need to throw a pity party in the dry, dry desert. It’s a time when God can show Himself mighty and that it isn’t all about “poor poor pitiful/struggling” me. It’s about God if we allow it. Even when Jesus spent time in the desert (Matthew 4:1-11). He didn’t throw a pity party. He elevated God and secured a victory over that ol’ sneaky devil. His dry spell ushered in a ministry that turned the world UPSIDE DOWN! Oh my, people, when a soul is awakening, the desert WILL blossom into great things. My soul started awakening in a place where His presence seemed unlikely.
“The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom,” (Isaiah 35:1 NIV).
Oh, believe me, there are more stories to tell, but you get the idea and space is limited. It’s amazing to see such a simple desire for awakening fulfilled by God in such abundance. My decade of pursuing a dream wasn’t a bad thing, but I got so caught up in honing my communication skills that my spiritual growth stopped and slowly lead me into a desert. Sure there were life-giving rays of Sonshine along the way, but had I fervently continued to seek God, maybe I would have found a spiritual oasis at the end of my journey. But, as it was, I lost sight and ended up wandering around a desert . . . sort of like the Hebrew people after their escape from Egypt. As the saying goes “better late than never”, and thankfully I’ve been refreshed by the soothing well-spring of the Living Water.
Full Circle
Remember how I said that God had taken me full circle? On July 14, 2013, God took me down Memory Lane. After a year of revelations and months of not hearing the song that initiated my “awakening”, the worship team at my church sang it again! I drifted back through time reminded of desert’s journey. I smiled as I recalled God showing me that my heart needs to be sold out to Him in the same manner a teenage heart is captivated by a rock star. Tears welled up as I recalled the very moment God showed me grace not only flows from Him to me, but needs to flow from me to others . . . even those people I don’t like so much. Oh my! When God allowed me to look back instead of straining SO hard to look forward, my soul rejoiced and was filled with awe. Not MY awe, God’s AWE.
Coming full circle with God is pretty great. Everyone has a different circle to dizzy their soul when it becomes dry. But, the thing I’ve discovered is a soul that needs awakening is a blessing. Sure, this is my story, but if you are struggling spiritually I KNOW God has a story waiting for you. All you need to do is step into what ever circle God is excited to take you through.
(NOTE: If you are interested in hearing the song that was such an inspiration, here it is: Awakening, by Hillsong)
