“I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Ken Dodd, English Comedian
Surveys reveal that many people say their most challenging relationship is with their in-laws. When you stop to consider, this makes perfect sense. They didn’t attract you or draw your interest and may certainly not have held it once you were hooked. In fact the opposite is sometimes true.Think about it: a man and woman meet, they may feel some physical attraction, and as they spend a bit of time together see that they have common interests and opinions. The mutual attraction grows and more depth of topics explored. For those who, at any point along the way, find that they aren’t connecting or agreeing, a parting of the ways typically ensues. For those who continue to see a simpatico relationship gaining ground, it flourishes and marriage is the result.
On the other hand, when meeting the (future) in-laws, you may not have a thing in common except their offspring. They may not be physically attractive in your eyes and their views or style of communicating may be miles away from yours. Yet here you are with your new family; a forced, lifetime love affair with strangers. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. My in-laws should win awards, but not so with some.
Mothers-in-law have a bad rep, but possibly for good reason. (Everybody Loves Raymond is a case in point) Moms love their own children…then here comes this newbie who criticizes her son’s wardrobe selection or her daughter’s distaste for sea food; some silly thing that a spouse might find annoying but may evoke extreme defensiveness in a mother.
Fathers-in-law aren’t the butt of many jokes except for the cliché of threatening their daughters’ boyfriends with physical harm. This is the stereotype for brothers-in-law as well. Sisters-in-law are often a bit kinder to a new brother-in-law than a new sister-in-law. It is no easy feat to win over the heart of a girl who has idolized her big brother since she was a baby.
I’ve heard some terrible stories of in-laws who are rude to the new family member, are indifferent to grandchildren or, conversely from the other end of the new spouse being hostile and causing division in the family.
Either way, it all comes down to treating these strangers with an attitude of loving kindness.
Proverbs 16:7 says, “When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Surely there’s something lovable about them…the bright blue of his mom’s hair; her dad’s extensive gun collection…and hopefully they’re finding something about you that’s inspiring love as well—even if it takes 30 years.
I’m one of the lucky few who has awesome inlaws, but you might not be. Either way, feel free to share your experience.
