Dear You,
Ok, it may be wrapped in barbed-wire, but I really do have a heart. I promise!
I care deeply about things, but dang, everywhere I look I see things that need to be done. Especially when I’m around the house. This bed needs to be made, the lawn needs to be mowed, electrical wiring needs to be redone, or a bicycle tire needs patching. What am I suppose to do? I’m sorry, but relaxing doesn’t come easily. And the relationship thing? I try, but I’m more of a doer. It’s hard to set my keen eye for “doing” aside. Most of what I do is motivated by those I love . . . that’s how I show how much I care. My heart does beat even though you probably think I’m heartless at times.
I’m too practical for some people. I have dreams, but I’m not a day-dreamer. There are activities I’d love to pursue, but they must must must come AFTER my responsibilities. I didn’t get where I am today, by lolly-gagging around knitting baby blankets and chasing unicorns. There is work to be done, places to go, and people to see. It’s hard to change . . . I’ve always been goal-oriented, and I need things around me to be in good working order. Some think my drive is a curse, but it has served me well. I just need you to know that when you acknowledge my efforts, I truly appreciate it. I do a lot and to go unnoticed hurts. I’m not so good in areas where a soft touch it needed, but it means a lot when my strengths are complimented.
One thing I really need from you is loyalty. Nothing pierces my barbed-wire, wrapped heart more than when someone disregards me. Well, let me rephrase that . . . when a friend or family member disregards me. I can pretty much blow off someone I don’t have a connection with, but where connection exists, I need loyalty. This may sound funny, but the thought of a dog really appeals to me. There is nothing more loyal than a canine companion. I like that . . . a lot.
Purpose. I feel lost without a purpose. I don’t sit around very well. Oh, I can do it in short spurts, but unless I have something to sink my teeth into, I feel lost. I guess that goes along with being so goal-oriented. It’s probably another reason why I have difficulty relaxing. I’m just one big bundle of DOING. ACHIEVEMENT. COMPLETING PROJECTS. It’s probably safe to say that most people that aren’t like me, resent my workaholic tendencies. I try to not to succumb to them, but that river runs deep and doesn’t change course easily.
This part is hard to write, but since I’m baring my soul here goes. My emotions bubble to the surface now and then. It is very awkward for me, but they do sneak up on me from time to time. Helpless and homeless dogs have been known to make my eyes well up. When someone I love is hurting, that gets to me. That REALLY gets to me. I’m not always very good at expressing compassion or empathy, but even a barbed-wire wrap cannot keep my heart from being painfully pierced. It happens, but my crusty exterior forms a natural barrier keeping my emotions from showing. I may not look like I hurt, but just know that appearances can be deceiving.
I guess that’s about all I have to say. This hasn’t been easy. I hope this helps you understand me and my barbed-wire heart a little better.
Sincerely,
The Choleric
