By Michael Holland, Executive Director of The Family Lifeline.
Because love is an emotion, many of us think that love will just carry romance along through its own momentum. This is a tragic misconception. In fact, if you will carefully read 1 Corinthians 13, known as the “Love Chapter” you will note that the Apostle Paul describes behaviors, rather than emotion as he discusses what love should be.
Here’s why: love is an emotion, and emotions are the result of automatic, subconscious appraisals. We experience many emotions all day long and they come and go depending on our everyday experiences. We can be happy, sad, disappointed, resentful, grateful, satisfied, angry, passionate, proud, guilty, anxious, confident, jealous, admiring etc. all in the same day and even more than once in the same day. A friend of mine who has been married more than 40 years is often asked the secret to a long marriage. He replies: ” We just didn’t quit trying on the same day!” In other words, his commitment to his marriage wasn’t based on emotions that change, but on Biblical love that is solid and based in God’s principles.
Lovers have good times and bad times. But what carries the relationship through long term—not over just days or weeks but over many years? Thoughtful choices that are based on loving decisions! We must engage in the hard work of thinking. In fact, we believe that making a relationship work long-range, that is, achieving enduring happiness, good and effective communication, and meeting each other’s needs requires as much hard thinking and dedication as having a successful career!
We encourage you to read through 1 Corinthians 13, and Galatians 5:21-23 and pray to change your thinking about what love truly is! Today, we offer 10 tips that are loving choices that will go a long way towards keeping your love alive!
Know Your Partner:Work to thoroughly understand your partner (values, tastes, hobbies, sports. interests, food preferences, attitude towards career, personal psychology, tastes in art, including books, TV, movies, music, painting, etc.).
Listen:Be a good listener and use many forms of communication including touching and hugging.
Say the Words: Tell your partner you love them (very often) and why you love them. You know you love to hear those words. Be the first one in your relationship to say them consistently and often!
Actions Speak Louder Than Words: Make your daily actions toward your partner be consistent with your words (e.g., never forget their birthday or your anniversary).
Show Concern: Show concern for your partner’s welfare, such as their health.
Look Your Best: Show that you care about your appearance. You know you love it when your spouse dresses up for you. Do the same for them.
Your Spouse Is Your Equal: Treat one another as equals; make decisions together on most issues.
Accentuate the Positive: Create a positive emotional climate; never let anger fester.
Good Natured Humor: Show playfulness and humor but never mock each other on each other’s important values or achievements.
Clean Up Your Act: Correct bad manners and work on reducing or eliminating annoying habits that you have.
Put In the Work: Does this seem like a lot of work? Well, it is, and the work never stops. You need to work at your relationship every day. People grow and change, and if you do not grow and change together, you will grow apart.
If your marriage is important to you, you must work to preserve it. If you invest the time and energy to do the work, you will find that your closeness and intimacy will actually increase over time, rather than fading away if you rely solely on emotions. Today, too many are building their relationships based on emotions, rather than the truth of God’s word.
Michael and Rebecca Holland are the directors of The Family Lifeline, Inc. (FLL), an organization located in Rio Rancho, NM that has served over 36,000 clients in the past 11 years. The FLL offers relationship strengthening services including marriage mentoring, marriage enrichment events and classes, premarital and youth education, and even business team building and life skills training. Their mission is “building healthy relationships for stronger communities.” To reach The Family Lifeline, call 505-891-1846 or visit them on the web at www.thefamilylifeline.net
