My Journey with Cancer, Part 4 by David Maddox
Some weeks can seem like a month. Last week was one of those. It began with a consultation at Mayo which was troubling and left more questions than answers – and lots of conflicting emotions. We were forced to at least consider some difficult alternatives without knowing the views of our cancer doctor on this until today. One of the really hard parts of this journey are when you get “bad” or negative news and you have to share it with your kids. It is important to be totally honest with them so they are not be caught by surprise or feel left out – but it is still hard for it hurts them which hurts you. Cancer patients don’t want their condition to hurt others, but it is beyond our control. That is hard for us – but part of the journey. You can’t take this journey alone unless you don’t love anyone – and if you love them – it will sometimes hurt them.
Coming off the chemo has its own side effects which we walked through this last week. Again because of your prayers they were limited, but it sure was nice when Thursday rolled around and I began to feel “normal” (defined as just not feeling bad). It’s wonderful after ten days or so of the opposite. Cancer patients learn a new thankfulness over what for the majority are very normal physical feelings and desires.
We met briefly this morning with our cancer doctor to get his recommendation on how to proceed after the Mayo consult. The two doctors had talked and although our cancer doctor had not yet been provided with a full Mayo report, his recommendation was to proceed with the current chemo regiment. I have peace about that although we have been given no “end game” strategy. My view is that God has called us to walk through this in faith, leaving the “end game” to Him – and so we shall. Faith is not walking toward something you see or know or even expect – faith is walking in the “I don’t know what or when or how, but I know who” – and “who” is the Lord that is carrying me – and He is more than enough for me. Thank you – your prayers for direction have been answered. Now we will see how God uses this current chemo regiment to attack the intruder within.
The Spiritual lessons this week were many. First the lesson we have to relearn often – fear becomes a choice and when you make that choice you negate faith so run from it to the Lord. The initial fear emotion is normal and healthy, but staying there rather than relying on the Lord can be catastrophic. God was gracious after the Mayo consult despite the fact that we had to wait a week wait for clarification and direction from our cancer doctor. He gave me peace as I sought to walk in faith. It always works when you make the faith choice.
There are those few very special times in a Christian’s life when God who is always present makes you aware of His presence because He wants to display His love and share something important that you need to hear and understand and walk in. Using Jesus’ description, I call those a time of “visitation”. It was because Jerusalem had missed “the time of your visitation” that judgment would fall on the city as it did in 70 AD (Luke 19:41-44). In those moments you listen carefully.
My day of visitation was Saturday, the 9th. Suddenly from His Word God spoke clearly and things began to make sense. I was given four passages – all Jesus speaking. The first was a reminder of something we had been given at the end of January. Regarding Lazarus – Jesus said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it” (John 11:4). So we are not to focus on the cancer, but on how God can be glorified through it. The second verse was – “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.” (John 12:27-28). Here is the reality – all of my life has been preparing me for this moment when I would have cancer and have to walk through it by faith and witness to God’s glory. This is not a closed door or a detour as I have previously described it – no rather it is an open door through which God wishes me to walk for His honor and glory – and that must be our intention.
The third passage was a wonderful assurance – “Because I live, you also will live” (John 14:18b). My life is tied to His life – a truth I have known, but this verse gave it more reality. Finally the fourth, how can I glorify God if indeed that is the purpose of this whole experience? He gave me John 17:4 which is how Jesus glorified the Father and made clear how I can glorify Him. Jesus said to the Father, “I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do.” It all came around to the original call to ministry – do what He gave me to do and He will be glorified. In church yesterday a beloved Pastor – our founding Pastor shared with me after I through tears had said, “There is just so much to be done” and had pointed to his little daughter. He responded in love. “Yes, but God doesn’t need you. He will get it done”. That He does not need me is an absolute truth, but if He called me and I still have things He gave me to do, I need to get after it that He might be glorified. So – please focus your prayers not on healing, but on me completing the things that He gave me to do.
Past posts: Follow my journey here
