My Journey With Cancer, Part 11 By David Maddox
Today is one of those “golden” praise the Lord days where I feel good – have an appetite – am able to get out and walk and minister – and am generally thankful to simply be alive. Although I am still weak – today is somewhat like all of those thousands of days that I took for granted the first 67 years of my life. But after seven plus weeks battling an inflection and its aftermath – this is for me a miracle day for which I am thankful. It is a bit “artificial” in that what was necessary for this was to balance the shortage of red blood cells that was made possible because of a blood transfusion of two units of blood Friday. We had gone to the doctor on Wednesday and they identified the issue as a low red blood cell count so treatment was the blood transfusion followed by a series of shots to increase my red blood cell count. The shots have not yet been scheduled but we are hoping to start this week. I find it humorous that the FDA requires a “consent” for the shots that basically says you need to understand that if something goes wrong this could kill you. I find it humorous for I already have cancer and I know that God is totally in control of my life and holds the keys to death. The risk is no greater than my next breath.
Hoping to continue gaining strength this week so that we can start chemo again on Monday. We have been blessed that even during the battle with the inflection the tumor markers went down (another miracle) but it is time to get back to the fight to contain and destroy this cancer (unless God wants to do it another way) so we can glorify Him by completing the work to which we have been called. I would appreciate your prayers for the scheduling of the treatment to increase red cells, for safety through the procedure, that I continue to grow strong and use these days wisely, and that we have wisdom to know whether we should begin chemo again on Monday – and that if we are to do this that God will again carry us through the side effects – that the chemo destroy the cancer and not harm healthy cells. Pray also for the two people who gave the blood that now flows through my veins – that if they are not saved they be saved and that God bless them for this gift they have unknowingly given to me.
One “funny” thing is that since we have been off chemo for over a month I have little white hairs beginning to grow. One “highlight” was yesterday as Janet and I got to go to church, have lunch together, go for a walk in the Mall (too hot in Phoenix to be outside), and enjoy a little fantasy by going to a movie – Jurassic World. To be able to be out and spend this time with Janet was such a joy. It has been a long time since we were able to enjoy such simple pleasures together. She is such a gift and blessing to me.
Even before this journey began I had been praying for what the Puritans called “the gift of tears”. That gift is actually God’s heart and eyes to see and feel what He does rather than what would be your human response to people or circumstances. It is something like what Jesus sought to share with Pater, James and John in the garden before He surrendered to the cross. He was not asking them to go to the cross with Him, but to share what He saw and felt in His heart of compassion and love. They went to sleep and missed that experience. I don’t want to miss the experience anytime the God wishes to share His heart with me.
What does this look like you might ask? God has given us men with His heart in whom you will see this when God suddenly overcomes them with His broken heart. In my life there have been several whom I have watched as God moved and they were transformed. Probably the one who has most influenced my life in this way is Henry Blackaby – the author with Claud King of “Experiencing God”. Janet and I had the privilege of getting to know Henry and hearing him many times and watching him as God overwhelmed him in the midst of a sermon or conversation or counseling and he had to stop as the tears flowed. At that moment the Holy Spirit affirmed what was happening so you just prayed for him and waited for him to regain his emotions enough to share what God had revealed. Similarly in my years of ministry with Time to Revive those moments occur often for Kyle Martin has that gift – and again when God moves you just pray and wait in anticipation of what God has revealed. It is because Kyle listens to God on a heart level that God is able to bless him as He does – and why it is such a privilege to serve with him.
God has graciously answered that prayer for me. He overwhelms me in conversations – in moments anywhere with a sense of His sadness over our unfaithfulness and His desire that all be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth – that none perish but come to repentance. I look at the children and my heart breaks wondering what kind of future will they have – will anyone tell them about Jesus – will anyone teach them God’s truth. In the church I hurt as I see so many who have fooled themselves into thinking that they are saved and protected and cleansed by the cross when their lives reflect that they know about Jesus, but they don’t know Him and He is not their Lord. There was a moment when I was overwhelmed with God’s sadness at what the homosexuals had done with His creation of marital love – what they are missing – the deception and lies they have believed – the eternal consequences of a lack of repentance. Additionally God’s sadness that so few Believers care at all about the lost – or making disciples – and there is so much more that is breaking God’s heart. God looks at us and cries as Jesus cried over Jerusalem for what we have rejected and my heart breaks with Him because no one stands (few stand) for Him and for His truth.
The gift of tears only makes me more passionate about seeking healing so I can go and tell and join those God has called for if I have learned anything over these past five years it is that He has a remnant that knows the truth and is tired of playing the game of religion and church and want to be used to change culture and bring the Gospel to the lost. We are His people – entrusted with His Gospel – empowered to go and tell and teach and share and stand against Satan himself. And yet most don’t do anything – believing that is the “professionals” job – and not their “gift”. Where is our passion Christian for eternity? Where is our passion that Jesus be honored and glorified by what we say and how we live?
This is probably not what you were looking for in a Monday morning post, but it is where God has my heart. We must allow God to change and empower us – to give us His heart and eyes – to cleanse and use us. So here is a strange request with which I will close. I dare you Christian to pray passionately and until God grants you the gift of tears – for God’s heart and eyes and mind – that you become one with Him even as Jesus prayed for you in John 17. Take that dare and you will be changed forever – and so will the world around you.
About David Maddox – After a legal career in both Texas and Arizona that spanned over 40 years as a civil litigator, God called David to leave his law practice and work full time as Discipleship Director for Time to Revive. That call is really the fruit of decades of prayer for revival and teaching God’s Word, writing discipleship materials and seeking to make disciples. David married Janet Whitehead in 1976 and they minister together from their Phoenix home. God has blessed them with four children and thus far seven grandchildren.
