My Journey With Cancer, Part 28 by David Maddox
Last week was not an easy week physically. The change in start and stop dates from Monday-Friday to Tuesday-Monday was significant. It was also emotionally troubling because you were still getting chemo over a weekend and with the additional days it ultimately messed up two weekends – and for some reason the side effects were more intense. Today, although still dealing with some of the side effects, is the first day when “I can see the end of the road” for this round ten of chemo. The week was made more difficult by a cold and cough I got which made it difficult to sleep. Praise the Lord some improvement there as well. The best news came today when we were allowed to move the chemo back a week so we can return to the Monday-Friday schedule for round eleven. That will put us back to reasonable expectations based on experience and will give us back our lost week.
One of the things we lost last week was what Time to Revive calls its “Dallas Days” when the TTR team gathers for a time to bond and share and hear God speak. This year was particularly special because joining the team for the first time was a group of “missionaries in process” – individuals or couples who through their experiences with Time to Revive in the cities feel God’s call to go full time with this revival ministry. This group had completed the application and interview process and had been approved to continue. Like with many other ministries they will be responsible to raise their own funding before they can begin. For the ministry they are essential as the demands of so many cities and God’s ever expanding opportunities require many additional full time people. God has provided the first group and they were included as part of the team for they are surely part of the family. It was heart breaking to miss this time together, but here again it is all in God’s control so we just have to accept that He had a purpose in us missing this time. I can accept that, but it is still hard emotionally to be unable to do what you feel called to do.
One of the things we will lose in the future is the ability to hold a Time to Revive banquet in Phoenix at the same time as the Dallas banquet. The rescheduling of our chemo to get back on the Monday-Friday schedule makes that impossible as I would have just come off chemo when the banquet is scheduled. We will have a Phoenix banquet to acquaint interested people in the ministry, but it will not be when we thought it would be – and it will be separate from the Dallas banquet which we were going to follow on line. Pray with us as we seek how and when God would have us hold a banquet.
Spiritually God has me focused on what is probably the hardest question there is regarding God and that is “Why God”. Obviously unless you can find a clear expression regarding a specific situation in Scripture you cannot even guess for God has declared, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Even if we thought we had a definitive answer we must be careful for God is a God of the individual and of the moment and He never (unless He has so declared) must do things the same way.
But “Why God” is important – and there are some definite guidelines we can follow. The first “Why” relates to our heart – God responds based on why we asked. James wrote, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives” (James 4:3). But what then would be a right motive. Here we can find clear Biblical counsel on some issues which include the one I have been focused on this past week.
Earlier I shared with you that Scripture teaches miracles have a purpose beyond the individual who is the recipient of the miracle. As an example – the healing of a Christian clearly has a purpose beyond mere physical healing. Two clear Biblical examples that should be your motivation when you ask for healing are that God be glorified (John 9:1-30)(John 11:4) and to enable you to serve the Lord and complete the “good works” He has prepared for you to do without physical limitations (Matthew 8:14-15). However my focus this past week was not on asking for healing but for a greater revelation of the Lord. Why should God answer that prayer?
Here motivation for the request is clearly the key for Scripture provides us with a promise that, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). Moses may be the best Biblical example for though he was privileged to speak to God “face to face, just as a man speaks to a friend” (Exodus 33:11) – that was not enough for him. He asked God to “show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18). God answered this prayer not by showing Moses His glory, but by making “all My goodness pass before” him (Exodus 33:19). Clearly God reveals what He chooses to reveal, but again – why did He answer Moses’ prayer? What was Moses’ motivation for the prayer?
We are fortunate that Scripture provides us the answers to those questions earlier when Moses first asks for additional revelation. Moses prayed, “Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight” (Exodus 33:13). Clearly a desire to know God’s ways – to know Him – that you might find favor in His eyes is an acceptable motivation – the answer to the “Why God” question. For me, as best my heart discloses, I want to know Him that I may love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength – and that I might be able to bring Him glory by being able to share more of who He truly is with others. Please pray that my motivation will be acceptable that I may know Him better. As I do – if I do – I will be sure to share it with you who have chosen to join me on this journey.
About David Maddox – After a legal career in both Texas and Arizona that spanned over 40 years as a civil litigator, God called David to leave his law practice and work full time as Discipleship Director for Time to Revive. That call is really the fruit of decades of prayer for revival and teaching God’s Word, writing discipleship materials and seeking to make disciples. David married Janet Whitehead in 1976 and they minister together from their Phoenix home. God has blessed them with four children and thus far seven grandchildren.
