| ANNOUNCED TODAY — STEPPING INTO THE RING: Moderators for this year’s WWE wrestling matches …er, presidential debates, have been released. Schedule:
— Sept. 26: NBC’s Lester Holt will moderate the first debate at Hofstra University in Hempstead, N.Y. This is among the most-anticipated days of the entire cycle, perhaps second only to Election Day.
— Oct. 4: Elaine Quijano of CBS News will moderate the vice presidential debate. She’s a host of CBSN — a digital news show. This is big for the platform.
— Oct. 9: ABC’s Martha Raddatz and CNN’s Anderson Cooper will co-moderate a town-hall style debate at Washington University in St. Louis. Raddatz moderated the VP debate in 2012; Cooper moderated two primary debates and several town halls
— Oct. 19: Fox News’s Chris Wallace will moderate the last debate. Wallace moderated several GOP primary debates, but with Bret Baier and Megyn Kelly at his side.
Big names missing from the list: Fox News’s Kelly, CBS/s John Dickerson, CNN’s Jake Tapper and ABC’s Jonathan Karl.
Backup: C-SPAN’s Steve Scully, whom HBO’s John Oliver once featured in a segment as “the most patient on television,” will serve as the backup moderator for the debates. https://bit.ly/2bVTJAg Side note: That HBO segment is laugh-out-loud funny.
Happy Friday! Today in politics is all about the sassy one-liners: a Trump supporter warned about taco trucks on every corner, and Biden graphically described Trump choking on a silver spoon. I think we can all agree a long weekend is necessary. Filing after the Bruce Springsteen concert at Nats park — where The Boss actually didn’t play “Born in the USA” at his concert in the nation’s capital (!) — I’m Cate Martel with a quick recap of what you missed this morning — and what’s on tap for the rest of the day. Send comments, story ideas and weekend plans to cmartel@thehill.com, @CateMartel and on Facebook.
PROGRAMMING NOTE: The 12:30 Report will be off Monday for Labor Day. But don’t fret, we’ll be back in action Tuesday to kick off an absurdly chaotic season in politics. Takes long, slow, dramatic breath followed by a sip of wine.
BREAKING THIS MORNING — A LUKEWARM JOBS REPORT: The U.S. economy added just 151,000 jobs in the month of August, as the jobless rate held steady at 4.9 percent. Why it’s disappointing: Economists expected the economy to add 180,000 jobs, especially after a surprisingly strong July report, which saw 255,000 jobs added. https://bit.ly/2c6N0GW
THIS QUOTE IS PEAK BIDEN: Vice President Biden campaigned for Hillary Clinton in Ohio, where he had some memorable quotes aboutDonald Trump. “Give me a break. This is a guy who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth that now he’s choking on, because now his foot’s in his mouth along with the spoon.”Can someone please draw me a diagram of this visualization? https://bit.ly/2ca8Ojo
GOOD POLITICS, MAN. GOOD POLITICS: This 93-second clip of Joe Biden’s speech is pretty captivating. Imagine if he was in the race:https://huff.to/2bVAJBZ
LINE OF THE MORNING — ARE WE LIVING IN AN EPISODE OF SOUTH PARK?: The Latinos for Trump founder warned Thursday that if the U.S.’s problems with illegal immigration aren’t fixed, “you’re gonna have taco trucks on every corner.” I’m sorry, did I read that correctly? Taco trucks? Real question: Do you PROMISE? There’s no lying about tacos in this newsletter! https://bit.ly/2cvEq6y
Actual video footage of the Trump campaign this week —> https://bit.ly/2bVDqUd(lol)
BRACE YOURSELF FOR A SHUTDOWN BRAWL: Via The Hill’s Alex Bolton, lawmakers are returning to Washington next week to confront an impasse over funding bills that threatens to cause a government shutdown, something Republican leaders want to avoid at all costs. What to expect:https://bit.ly/2bHZf8F
Zika: A replay of the fight over funding a response to the Zika virus in June — because, well, Planned Parenthood.
Defense funding: A Senate bill to fund the Department of Defense is coming up — and is expected to be blocked by Democrats.
Keep the government open: The big problem for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) and House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) is the insistence by some House conservatives that a stop-gap funding measure to keep the government open beyond Sept. 30, the end of the fiscal year, extend into 2017.
AH-HA, THIS MAKES SENSE: Via The Wall Street Journal’s Monica Langley, Donald Trump’s flashy immigration speech the other day didn’t originally include the part about the border and wall. He added it in last minute after the Mexican president tweeted that his country refuses to pay for the wall. Ahh, social media diplomacy. It’s a beautiful thing. https://on.wsj.com/2ca5hBE
GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD: Former Stanford University swimmer Brock Turner was released from jail after today serving three months of a six-month sentence for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman. Why you remember his name: Turner was the subject of the viral letter his victim wrote that celebrities and newsmakers reacted to.
STATE TO WATCH IN THE GENERAL ELECTION: Via The Hill’s Jonathan Easley, two new polls show Donald Trump is making a rebound against Hillary Clinton in Wisconsin. This could be good news for the Trump campaign’s rust belt hopes. https://bit.ly/2bImLsm
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