Tiny Sparrow
Jean Bundas
“I hate this place. It’s no fair,” she screams. No tears come, only angry hurting words. Amanda lay on her bed at the orphanage, her fingernails scratching at her own flesh. “I wish I was dead. I wish everyone was dead.”
Amanda has been disappointed by her father once again. He was supposed to come by the orphanage for a visit today, but he did not show up. He did not even call to tell her he would not be coming. He most likely forgot his promise to her.
Her mother and father were divorced. Her mother had remarried and had two other children with Amanda’s stepfather. Amanda was the only one taken from the home; even her biological brother still lived with their mom. She is right – it does not seem fair. But then again, when does life seem fair?
I sit on the bed next to her, reaching for her long skinny arms to protect her from hurting herself. She is thin – too thin for a 12 year old. Her hair hangs limp and stringy around a tiny face dotted with light-colored freckles. Her brown eyes are dark and brooding.
“You are right,” I tell her, “it’s not fair.” My statement seems to diffuse her anger somewhat and she looks up at me questioningly. “It is not your fault Amanda,” I tell her. “What happened was not your fault.”
Her eyes water and tears begin to fall softly down her cheeks. I pray over her as I listen, knowing exactly what is coming, as I have heard the story before. “My mom asked me to watch the baby,” she says. “It was late. She woke me up and asked me to give him a bath.” She pauses, remembering that horrible night. “He would not stop crying. It was driving me crazy listening to him. I was so tired. I just wanted to go back to bed. My mom says I tried to drown him…” She breaks at the memory. I hold her close and stroke her hair.
“It is not your fault,” I repeat, “You were just a little girl yourself, too little for so much responsibility.”
We only have a few more months to touch Amanda’s life. She will be going to live with her father soon, an earthly father that cannot even remember his promise to come and visit her. This is the plan of the state, though: reunite the family at any cost. Even at the cost of a child’s life. It does not make sense, nor does the pain that this child has gone through.
I look Amanda in the eyes and I remind her once again about how much her Heavenly Father loves her. “You will remember that always, won’t you? When you are feeling alone or sad, God promises He will be with you. Don’t forget that.”
She smiles as she looks up at me. “I will remember,” she promises.
I begin to tickle her. “You better!” We both begin to laugh. She hugs me and then bounds out of the room. Hopefully, with a new realization of her Heavenly Father’s faithful love.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31 NIV)
In this world, people will disappoint us. It is a fact of life. It will happen. If we are looking to man to fill that empty void in our life, if we are looking to man to find happiness – we are looking in the wrong place.
God is a jealous God. He desires and instructs us to put our trust in Him.
Have you been disappointed by those you love? Hurt by those you have trusted? How has this affected the way you love or trust now? Have you allowed walls to be built around your heart? Or perhaps you are still dealing with unforgiveness toward those who have hurt you.
God desires for you to allow Him to break down the walls you have built in your life due to those hurting places.
God wants you to know how much He loves you.
“You will remember that always, won’t you? When you are feeling alone or sad, God promises He will be with you. Don’t forget that.”
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for Your unfailing love. Thank You for forgiveness and healing. I ask that You would touch us – go deep into those hurting places and allow Your streams of living water to bring refreshing and healing to the parched dry ground of our lives. Your Word says that “even the hairs of our head are numbered.” Cause us to remember how awesome Your love is for us! Help us to walk in the knowledge and strength of Your unfailing love. Amen.