Did My Cousin Actually Love His Wife?

Q: My cousin and his wife always had a difficult relationship, and to be honest, most of us never thought their marriage would last. But when she died suddenly a few weeks ago, he spared no expense for her funeral — bronze casket, lavish flowers, you name it. Why would he do this, when they didn’t even seem to like each other? — Mrs. D.U.

A: No one knows, of course, what was going through his mind; even he may not have known. After all, our motives aren’t always obvious, even to ourselves. The Psalmist said, “But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults” (Psalm 19:12).

I can’t help but wonder, however, if his reaction was caused (at least partly) by a combination of guilt and regret. As he looked back, he may have realized that their lives could have been much happier, if he’d only tried harder. If so, he may have felt guilty over this, and hoped that a lavish funeral might somehow make up for it.

He also may have been expressing regret over all the years that are now lost, and can never be recovered. His regret may be even stronger because he had no opportunity to tell her he was sorry or ask for her forgiveness.

Don’t be too harsh on your cousin, however. Whatever the past has been, he is lonely now, and he needs your love and compassion. More than that, he needs to discover the depths of God’s love for him, and to open himself to everything that Christ can do for him. Ask God to help you (and others in your family) to reach out to him with Christ’s mercy and love. In addition, treasure the family God has given you, so you’ll never have to look back with guilt or regret.

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(This column is based on the words and writings of the late Rev. Billy Graham.)

(c)2018 BILLY GRAHAM DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.