While at a doctor’s visit with my husband, the nurse who screened him prior to seeing the doctor asked us if we were doing something special for Valentine’s Day.
We looked at each other, both of us shook our heads, and told the nurse “no.”
“Ahh, come on now, you’ve got to be doing something special for one another,” he said.
“Every day is a special day when you love each other,” my husband responded.
“That’s good.” After entering the stats in the computer, the nurse asked, “May I ask you a personal question?”
Uncertain of what was coming next, we both said, “Sure.”
The nurse asked, “What’s the secret of staying married a long time?”
Spontaneously, Eldon and I shared three key points for what has kept us together and in love for thirty-one years.
First, give freely of yourself to the other. That doesn’t mean giving gifts or things to one another all the time. But to help each other with personal goals and objectives. Keep each other encouraged. Serve each other the way the Lord calls us to serve.
In our home, we have learned to flow in different areas where we are naturally gifted. Because Eldon loves to cook, he does most of the cooking. I have a personal preference on how I define clean, so I do all the cleaning. We do those things for one another as we enjoy taking care of each other.
Jesus gave His life for each of us. And He said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45 BSB).
Therefore, as we follow Christ who served, we serve one another in love.
Second, forgive each other quickly not holding grudges. When we dwell on the things that frustrate us and makes us mad, it gives the enemy a foothold to cause division with each other.
Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “‘Be angry, yet do not sin’ Do not let the sun set upon your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold” (BSB).
Since we came to understand that scripture, we faithfully practice “kissing and making up” before the sun sets. It hasn’t always been like that for us, but once we began walking in forgiveness with each other and not going to sleep angry, it has brought peace into our marriage.
After all, we are to “Be kind and tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Third, make a commitment to stay together during the tough times. Trying times will come in life and we have committed to working through those adversities together.
Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation. But take courage; I have overcome the world!” (John 16:33 BSB)
As I think back over the past thirty-one years, I see that with Jesus and by God’s grace, we have overcome many trials in our life—employment changes, lack of finances, failed business ventures, bankruptcy, raising children difficulties, moving five times, health issues with surgeries, accidents, a son sentenced to prison, and starting a ministry to families affected by incarceration.
God has seen us through it all. We praise the Lord and give Him all the glory.
The main reason we have remained committed to one another is because we both have a committed relationship to God our Father through Jesus Christ our Lord.
“Beloved, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8 BSB).
These three main keys—serve one another in love, forgive one another quickly, and commit to each other—have kept us married for three decades. Not just married, but in love with one another. May you and your spouse enjoy many decades of loving one another!
