So, I found what I believed and felt was love in my life for the first time. I was convinced that Ruthi and I would spend the rest of our lives together. We exchanged letters once or twice a week and saw one another as often as we could. Ruthi was a Senior in High School. I became so convinced about marriage that I bought engagement and wedding rings before I ever mentioned marriage to her. These were the gawdiest rings I have ever seen. Both were gold and covered with diamond stones and chips. Nothing was enough for her.
Now I must reveal how immature a 19-year-old in love can be. About a month after Ruthi graduated from High School, I got orders to report to Vietnam. I was not afraid to go, but I concluded because I was going that I would not be returning alive. I began to withdraw from all close relationships. I never liked saying goodbye for any reason, I would simply fade away. That’s what I did to Ruthi.
After I had been in-country for several weeks I began to regret my act of stupidity. I wrote letters to her again. She very graciously wrote back. On my birthday she sent me a big package. Upon opening and digging past the real popcorn packing, I discovered a seven-layer chocolate cake, icing and all, completely intact. The boys in my tent were more interested in the popcorn!
Suddenly, the letters stopped coming from her. I continued to write, but there was never an answer . . . for months.
In those early years, I knew I was in love, but I had not yet learned what real love was to be.
In ministry, when I shared pre-marriage counseling, I discovered that very few young couples know what love is either. We want it. We think we found it. But we have no real notion what love is; we don’t know what our part in love is to be, and we can’t define it. Love is a word that often stymies us, much like the word power.
In my foolishness as a 19-year-old at war, I interrupted God’s plan for Ruthi and me to get together for life. I set her free basically, and she dated someone else for a season.
I was discharged from the military in October of 1969. I found that we all were living in Orange County in Southern California. Rick and his wife Glenda, Ruthi, and me. I was living in Huntington Beach, and they, in Tustin. We all began hanging around together much like before.
During the year of 1970, Ruthi and I began seeing each other steadily and the old love feelings intensified in my heart. Toward the end of the year, probably November, I was feeling that it was time to propose marriage. I felt so confident going into that evening I chose to ask her to marry me.
After I proposed she became quiet for what seemed like an eternity, then she said, “I don’t think I want to do that.”
That made my whole world come to a stop. We had been having such a good time together . . . I thought. I could not wait to get home to deal with such disappointment. I did not see her again for quite a while; I was so embarrassed. One day during my lunch break at work I rode my motorcycle out Huntington Beach pier. At the end of the pier, I cried out to the God I did not yet know, asking through tears that I could have her as my wife.
A couple of days later we all got together for a special night of something I can’t remember the purpose of. I was nervous being close to Ruthi because of the feeling of rejection. But I went anyway. We hadn’t been there long before we were alone for an awkward moment. Soon Ruthi said to me, “Remember that question you asked me before? Would you ask it again?”
I was scared and excited at the same time as I asked her again if she would marry me. She very quickly said “Yes!”
The God I did not know gave her to me. We were wed February 2nd, 1971.
