I was all alone in a meeting of seven other pastors. I was alone, yet they were with me on Zoom. I could see their faces and hear their voices, but I could not feel the closeness that I love and long for in a prayer meeting of pastors.
We pastors were meeting together, as we do every Wednesday morning, except this Wednesday was 9-11, the 23rd anniversary of that tragic event at the Twin Towers. I understood this day was coming, in fact, I had been marking the days in my mind and heart. Now it’s here. And the memories are excessively real.
As we were praying, I began to feel a set of memories that were not directly related to a singular event in my lifetime. In my emotions they were being shuffled together, a bit overwhelming. While I did not understand it as I experienced it, neither did I seek any help to get through it. PTSD, as it is now referred to. When I returned from Vietnam in September of ’67, I began to experience nightmares, or I should say, nightmare. Every night for a few years, I had the same exact dream. It was a noisy, bloody battle on the banks of what appeared to be a river. In 1998, I took a team of intercessors to prayerwalk through Vietnam. Many emotions flooded my heart and soul while moving about in the country to pray for the people and their government. One of our days agendas was to ride canoes along the Mekong River. I began to have flashbacks of those horrible dreams. That day I was in a personal spiritual war.
One other issue that stayed with me for a few years was the sudden sounds of massive explosions in my mind. They were most problematic when they came on as I was driving in heavy Orange County traffic. These explosions were very real and extremely loud, and on more than one occasion my brake reflex caused me to come to a skidding panic stop. I was fortunate that I was never rearended, however I often received signs of understandable anger from drivers around and behind me.
On the morning of 9-11, I saw sights and heard sounds that were so frightening and confusing, that many of the same emotions that were bothersome years before, began to reawaken deep within.
What took place in New York on 9-11 had nothing to do with me directly in the moment, but it did affect me profoundly. What helped me through those inner struggles, were the reactions to those heinous attacks by good American patriots. By the day after 9-11, American citizens were uniting in a common fear, anger, and love for God and country. It appeared American flags were instantly displayed on cars, houses, and everywhere you looked. Citizens everywhere were joining hands and singing, “God Bless America”, even on the steps of the Capitol Building, with Congressmen and Senators alike. For a couple of weeks, we were united. For a couple of weeks, it felt as though a Spiritual Awakening was at the door. For a couple of weeks . . .
Within a year or so of these events, I began to slip into a deep, dark depression. Only God would bring me back, praise His Holy Name.
This morning as I began to pray with my pastor brothers, all these emotions began to come out while praying. Forming words of clarity was a battle, but I do remember my faintest cry, “LORD, make me hunger to hunger for You!”
That’s what America needs! That’s what America must be drawn into—a hunger to hunger for God!
“I believe that until Americans realize we need to fill that God size hole in our hearts with God Himself, we will continue to weep. Unborn babies will die. Freedoms will be lost. Depression will prevail. Apathy will abound. And Satan will win the battle. Don’t let him win the battle for your heart. God already won the war. Let Him win the battle for your heart and in that way win America, too.” (Ruthi McCullah)
I feel the further we are from the occurrence of this tragic event, the further we will lose sight of who we were before this, and what we are becoming after. There are people teaching our young that we deserved this. And there are people destroying us from the inside, by dividing, destroying our humanity and identity, and demoralizing us.
This is a time for the American church to show who we truly are. We need to remember . . . we need to remember who our enemy is. It is not us! We need to wake up. We need to rally. We need to come together and pray that God will forgive, and rescue—we must repent! We must be Heroes of the faith—for Christ’s sake. We must make a Difference—because we can through Christ. What will we do? What will you do? Beloved, let’s purposely get to work, linking hands across the aisles, be the Church of our LORD Jesus Christ at long last. Fight On, in the full armor of God! Pray On!