Not your typical Candy and Roses, but love is special to understand the power that is at hand in the living Word of God to be understood. The message of Christ in a marriage.
As I finished saving this post that I have written and shared from my heart to help you in the same way the Lord Jesus helped me last night; simultaneously, the title shown come to me in this very instant! Victory in Jesus! Yes, the Lord guided me to address this to us ladies in Christ, but I believe men too can benefit from what the Lord has expanded to my understanding in a way that will help anyone who seeks help in the Lord over anything!
What do you need Victory in? And, Victory comes at the end of a battle that appears to be lost, and yet there is Hope! Our hope is in Jesus! And, YES! There is HOPE! What do you need Victory in? Perhaps you have given up; and accepted something as done, but your spirit has not laid that issue to rest!
Glory be the God! In addition, simultaneously, I realized as I posted the date, it’s Valentine’s Day today! This message, I pray, that this will heighten and deepen your personal understanding in the love of God in a way that you can apply God’s method of love to your life and discover the Victory in Jesus that awaits!
I pray that you will discover that “such a joy” experience when the Lord moves in your life in a mighty and powerful way; that joy that comes to us when we trust and obey God’s Truth and Way –as we discover that Jesus is truly life to all things that are of God and to the glory of God!
I hope to expound on God’s love in a way for our marriage and your relationships in Christ, that there is no fragrant presentation of a beautiful flower in the store than can match the beauty that becomes alive in you when you hear what the Lord has shown to us on this particular day. I almost can hear God say, this is what happy in Christ means to me: That you know and believe in the love God has for you and that you learn how to apply this love to your life by the power of the Spirit to discover the true victory in Jesus that God has made alive in your spirit, when you first believed!
Ladies, this is not just written to you, but “kind of;” it is. Because of the way God has made us. Many times, men don’t care about the details as much as they do the outcome. Men have a “fix it and move on” mentality, but woman want understanding and need to be understood.
The greatest display of love for a woman is for a man to really grasp the importance of understanding to us ladies in Christ, that our husband’s make that sacrifice to value good communication; and care enough about us to really listen for our benefit, that we know we are being heard and not only heard, but that our husband puts value to our need to be really understood.
And there is a story to be told.
How many times have little details been important to you in your relationships? even in friendships –to be heard from your heart and valued as important and valuable? Aren’t details the makeup of how we are made? and an intricate part to make us know and feel loved as we are created to be –to be understood is our goal? God’s word says, above all things you get, Get Understanding.
Understanding is important!
Being understood is how we 1st receive and then too define that unconditional “know and believe” we are loved (by God). This love is the demonstration that God has given us the ability to experience through Christ; and to extend that confidence into all our relationships, beginning with our marriages.
Okay, hold on there if this seems like something you have already heard –or already dismissed as not being valuable to you. Yes, this post will address the verse in the Bible that most women dread; and even cringe to hear, but I believe the Lord has given me this message; and by testimony, in a way that will enlighten your mind; and empower your soul!
Let’s start small and gather our understanding of why God has given a daughter of Christ this commandment!
Ephesians 5:22-33King James Version (KJV)
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
“Woah, Nellie!” Did I lose you?
This is not a weak verse! This is not verse that UN-equates God’s value of a man; or of a woman, as more or less, but rather a breakdown of the team God has put together in a marriage. This verse is the strength of a woman / not her weakness; to help her husband grow in his strength of a man.
Why? You may wonder? And, How? You may want to argue?
Here is a test that God has given to me to share with you!
IF you are feeling excluded; Satan is setting a scene to divide!
The heart of the matter is that our communication becomes distorted and contorted, that our feelings are transported and eluded to become a meaning to the other’s ear that is different than something we are really saying.
Hear me on this. Does this relates to you as a woman? At the heart of a matter, if we are honest with ourselves, when we feel excluded in the details, don’t we feel as less of a priority in our husband’s life?
It is not that any of the small details are really important, but that these are some of the little things that primes us to “get our feelings hurt” and PERHAPS this is the heart of the “soul-matter” in successful, struggling and failing marriages? … and remembering that the soul is created by God to feel. Yet, what the Lord is teaching us is to learn how to respond to “spiritual matters” in the spirit of Christ; rather than by the soul!
Okay, I am with, I had to soak that in too.
On the flip side, if ‘Mis-understanding’ continues, our husband now becomes Mr. Misunderstood. And, he will do what a man does: “Diagnose and Fix” based on the truth in how a man is created to respond. They fix and thank God they do! Yet, if in analyzing poor communication arrives to the response that is blaming this on “You’re a woman” as the diagnosis, then that is a lie based on the truth. Hummm…Yes, a woman, but a woman of God.
Can you relate yet, to the “perspective curve balls” as they tend to begin?
The more you may TRY to (with the excuse to fail) communicate in human anger, the more defensive your husband may become, because now, because of anger and spurring words, the REAL issue has been missed; and the disagreement somehow becomes a challenge to his character.
By accident? Take another look? Who is lurking, but Satan.
Please hear me. I am really writing to help you see those chains, so you can take the steps to be set free to live in a happy and blessed marriage, WITHOUT sacrificing who you are! Actually becoming who the wonderful you are meant to be! A marriage has purpose far beyond us; it is powerfully blessed by God for you, your husband, and your children. And, this blessed marriage goes deeper than that –Marriage is a blood covenant by God. God cut Adam to make Eve; and Adam lost a bit of himself for God to make his wife. This hand-in-hand relationship is the making for a powerful ministry for the glory of God in His Kingdom work.
Now, this is why Satan hates marriages!
Do you want me to go on with what the Lord has given me to share with you today?
If so, please continue.
So, how does this happen? Mr. “Feeling” Misunderstood?
When it all started as Mrs. “Feeling” Excluded?
Now, pause and think of all the sacrifices that your husband makes for you and the kids. Does he work regularly? Does he provide for the family? Does he concern himself with the needs being met in the family? And, does he even know that you feel less of a priority?
We have to learn this confidence of being worthy to love deep inside that Jesus has proven our worth to God. We have to know and believe in this love God has for us. Then, also, we have to learn that man was created in the Image of God; and God made a helper for man from man himself. Of the same God, but different.
We can see the differences –and even notice the differences in the way that we communicate, but at the heart of the matter is that we can learn to communicate to be understood!
What is God’s method of communication?
Would God start off a conversation to us about an issue with us with an attack? Or, set us up to fail? NO! Rather, God gave us His Word to learn and His Son for that ability to understand. There is Victory in Jesus! God didn’t condemn us; nor did God get mad at us. God SO loved us, he gave us His Son!
What can you give? The answer is Respect! Wives…
Ephesians 5:22-33King James Version (KJV)
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
God will never tell us to do anything inappropriate! So why would this be an issue for a wife to obey God in this command that is unto our own husband, whom we know and trust and love enough to marry? If we love our husband enough to marry him, then we need to love him enough to submit our respect to him, as unto the Lord!
If we love our husband enough to marry him, then we need to love Him enough to submit our respect to him,
as unto the Lord!
To love our husband with respect, it is love our spouse in the Truth! God knows how our husband is; (as God knows how we are); and so do we –If we care enough about God to look past our pride and feelings we can talk to God about how we feel and get our thoughts in line with God’s will for us. What you will discover has been there all along! What you desire is there awaiting.
What you will discover has been there all along!
What you desire is there awaiting.
No longer is it our curse to long for our husband’s understanding as stated in Genesis 3:16, NIV: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” In Christ, Victory is won!
This is real! Pray about your own understanding. In Christ, Victory is won!
In Christ, Victory is won!
I can sense that perhaps this is still not understood in a way to want to learn what God is saying?
Ladies in Christ, Victory in Jesus is won for us! And, when we apply what Jesus teaches us to our life, we have what God has promised us! Freedom in Christ and Ability to overcome through Him all things that come against us!
Small misunderstandings grow to become big mis-communications –Unless, we understand what is going on to counteract the attack of the enemy of God by God’s method: Truth and Love!
God’s method: Truth and Love!
Trust is being attacked in God-founded relationships. Trust is a bond in Marriages and in “The Church” of relationships that are founded on, and built in Christ Jesus.
Trust is being attacked in God-founded relationships.
My husband is a trust-worthy man. He is a Godly man; and good husband, father and friend. A dedicated worker and provider and will go to any length of sacrifice to do the right thing. He listens and is patient. He is honorable. He often says to me, “Karen, I would rather lose everything we have than to disappoint my Father in Heaven.” And I am grateful God chose us to be married. But we have our issues too. Maybe not as serious as some, but enough to see how this crazy cycle in marriage works; and enough to experience the power of God in our relationship!!!
I could tell you some amazing stories that would blow your mind of what God has done to help us in our marriage in these areas of communication!
Satan is the real enemy and he is a coward lurking around to see who he can catch off guard from their knowledge in God’s Word / or in the weaknesses of our emotions and feelings. Satan’s agenda is destruction; and his tactic is offence, but this could never happen if we opened our eyes to see what is really going on here! Satan’s strategy is division and he divides with things we find offensive to the core of what we value most.
Satan’s strategy is division
Watch the devil’s clever little schemes in your own life with “eyes-wide-open” and, just dare to notice what the “enemy of God” is up to no-good around you. And stand off against Satan in the Truth. Satan cannot be in the presence of God coming at him; He will flee in the power of God’s active and living Holy Word, God’s Holy Spirit and the Holy Blood of Jesus Christ!
There’s more, but sisters and brothers in Christ, we must learn how and why we must deal with the root of why we are offended in the first place; and learn how to spiritually communicate!
Ladies in Christ, we are no different than (ladies not in Christ), as a human being; and in the root cause of why we get offended. BUT, we have victory in Jesus –If we are willing to _____________. What did that verse say again?
Gentlemen in Christ –the same; you are no different than (men not in Christ) when your pride is offended in your human nature, by that feeling that comes alive in your soul when you feel that you are not being respected. BUT, you have Victory in Jesus –If you are willing to _______________________. Oh yes, God gave men a commandment too: to love your wife, even as Christ also loved the church …
And, the last time I checked, the Church is not the building –the Church is us imperfect people of faith in Christ; and growing in faith with each other; learning how to love like God, even as we live together on this earth grateful to Jesus.
Ephesians 5:25-27King James Version (KJV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Here it is!
We don’t have a perfect marriage; and this letter comes to you after yet another spontaneous heated argument last night about nothing important really. I didn’t get much sleep, but what I did do was pray. I asked Jesus to help me understand after I confided in God things I needed God’s thoughts about. You see, in my perspective, Robert over-reacted, but the Lord showed me that he really misunderstood.
Now, I have talked this out with Robert by now and all is set right -To God be the glory!
The ultimate offense to any man’s basic need, by Created nature –is respect! The ultimate need to any woman’s basic need, by Created nature is love. There is a crazy cycle, unless someone lines up to God -to stop! …Who is really right? when neither are communicating well?
As people, we will only fight for what we believe. God has shown me that people are being corrected / only God is right. So, if we are both convinced we are right, then that disagreement is going nowhere quickly, unless one of us surrenders to God in the spirit for the good of the man.
only God is right.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
I believe with all my heart that this is the first step in overcoming a disagreement –Give respect to your husband that he was created to require! Men function on respect! Women function on love! This is how “Team Marriage” Works …
WIves, Give respect to your husband that he was created to require!
Husbands, learn also to know what you are to do, love your wife well like Christ.
This is how “Team Marriage” Works …
Unless we fail to obey God’s basic commands in our roles, as we are created and made to function well in, we have Victory in Jesus to be discovered and found!
God loves you my dear fellow women. I would venture to say, God adores you and values you tremendously. This is not a demeaning verse for women. This is a command by God that is meant to be understood well enough to apply, because (I) (we) love the Lord and are grateful for God’s love for us!
The Lord has shown me that men and women attempt to communicate (in a relationships) like this –The Lord has shown me in my own marriage that we attempt to communicate and are misunderstood like this. I hope this help you too!
Painting a picture of our attempt to communicate
As painting picture only, like I only speak in French, my husband hears and speaks only in German; and together we attempt to communicate only in English, by some form of foreign language, I like to call “Spanglish”, which is neither French; nor German, and worse than knowing English, because we think the other is comprehending what our heart is trying to say???
Is this beginning to make sense?
If we could define the power of marriage for a minute, we could see that a marriage is a blood covenant made with God; and there is a power in marriage serving in the Kingdom of God that is not like any other relationship in this world –bonded in Christ (as one) in every aspect for the glory of God! There is a power like of Wild Horses from God in ministry, when a husband and wife learn to communicate!
United in communication!
Please hear me on this. Satan’s agenda is to destroy marriages, in order to hurt families of God; and to stop the ministry living and growing inside of us that is in the power of God with us.
Still not making sense to want to hear more?
Let’s get there real quick, well hopefully in less time that it took the folks traveling around that mountain to the Promised Land. And please don’t take offense: See how that works -Offense turns off and turns heads away to divide.
I am referring to how I have seemed to come around over the last 30 years!
Wives “submit” in this context means that ladies, we are by God’s Created design like the Holy Spirit is to a child of God in a marriage; a helper! We are the helper when our husband needs us to help. Like in the understanding part, we can show respect to who our husband is to help him become all God wants him to be!
Can we hold still for moment and not serve the devil in tossing what we know will be taken as an offense by our husband –even when we know we are right? To consider, if we understood what our husband is working for, they are right too.
Here’s the kicker!
Most times, as my husband and I (are still learning), that we are both right –but yet through our reactions both separately both wrong too at the same time, because only God is wholly right in the combined (thought and in the method) of how we treat each other in the communication. If we are not able to communicate well, then our ungodly response may make our thought a non-useful right!
our ungodly response may make our thought a non-useful right!
My ‘painting a picture’ word usage is French –and if my French suggestion was translated by a German speaking man, that French lady may have just accidentally cursed the German man out, by poor communication.
…When he responds with offense, now, how will we react?
Here is where, what we know about God’s method and way of communication, will help us all in our crazy created, but splendidly put-together relationships by God.
…Ladies, what if we stop to show respect right there –unconditionally of how the mis-communicated response bounced back to us by Mr. Misunderstood from the mis-communicated offense; and how this all just fired up our emotions.
Even writing this out is crazy! Yet, this is a very real crazy cycle that can be corrected by the Word of God application! And unconditional of how many come-back inspirations just popped up in our head, we can choose to RESPECT our HUSBAND with our WORDS and REACTION!
We can show respect, because we know why!
What a difference respect makes in conversation!
What a difference honest truth makes in a relationship!
Yes, of coarse there is hope for you! Believe me, God adores you if you are even thinking that thought of hope.
Love never fails!
This is where, ladies in Christ, that word submit to your husband’s comes in to play!
Show your husband that you believe in him, WHEN you are NOT seeing the evidence through his offensive reaction that makes you feel loved! Even if (especially when), you are not “feeling the love,” respect your husband; as it is good to the Lord.
I have a bobble head and smile that helps me -and my husband know this well; I will tell him, what I am doing, but I do it anyway. I will respect him, even it, get your bobble head on, “I’m not feelin the love.” :)
Yes, the Lord has a sense of humor too! Smile and love like Jesus! Rejoice and live like your are loved! Love like you know what love is!
Jesus is Lord. And the “Marriage –Team” works!
Jesus is the head of the Church. And, the “Team-Marriage” has our husband as the head of the household. This does NOT mean that we wives do not have a voice in Christ to be heard, but it is the Method God has place in Creation to find Peace, Joy and authority over all things that come against us!
Do you hope for anything? Align up to God with everything! Don’t be afraid of faith, because that is exactly what this is: faith!
God’s Way Works! Yes, even in (perhaps even, especially in) marriage!
Looking on into Ephesians Chapter 5 on this topic:
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
“Be Still and Know God is God”
This would be a great place to “Be Still and Know God is God” and take time to pray and ASK God to take control; and help with the translations in your own situations that are before you!
This is a terrific time to know and understand that God has SO loved BOTH / ALL / ME! You see, when we get into a disagreement that we both think we are right, it is really easy to shift all the focus on how this makes “me” feel.
it is really easy to shift all the focus on how this makes “me” feel.
In closing, open your Bible and increase your knowledge, but remember to add self-control to your knowledge and then add perseverance to your self-control….and so on ( ).
2 Peter 1:6
And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
It is our duty to train our mind in God’s Truth, Way and life.
Remember that we are human, with a body and a soul, but it is the spirit that God makes alive in us when we accept Christ. It is our duty to train our mind to follow the spirit of who we are; NOT to LET our feelings (our soul, which is our mind, will and emotions) take control of our spirit.
One more time; if I may, because if we get this, we will never be the same!
if we get this, we will never be the same!
We are made up of 3 parts: A body, A Soul, A Spirit –but the spirit is dead to sin and transgressions, but made alive in Christ who finished Salvation for us; and we believe & confess Jesus is Lord by the gift of Faith God also gave to us! Our dead spirit is made whole and alive through the living Spirit of God through Christ. It is through Christ Jesus that we can do all things with the help of The Holy Spirit, whom God has given as a helper to us! Yet, the body still gets old, but not the Spirit. And the mind still has the ability to think, choose, and feel, but can follow the Spirit and find Peace and even experience joy in Jesus!
It’s a miracle!
Have you experienced the peace of Jesus set you free in the Truth of God?
I will close with this: Have you experienced the peace of Jesus set you free in the Truth of God? If not, how is that dysfunction working out for your marriage –and how is that carrying over to every relationship you have; your kids, co-workers, even church relationships …?
Yes there is hope!
Jesus
The truth, the Way and the life!
Ladies, be the 1st to surrender to Christ in your marriage and show respect to your husband because you can –and because it is God’s command; because God knows it is the only way His Created Design of marriage will work that a husband can be confident that he is the man for you; and then he can love you well.
In Christ in all things …
Pick a team: With God, who designed you, loves you and has loved you so much that He gave you Jesus. Or, you will by default become a pawn in the devil’s hand to oppose the living God’s plan for you?
Wikipedia, with emphasis mine here, defines
“What is offensive and defensive?”
Offense / Offence (same word) is also known as attack, (sound familiar?) is the action of attacking or engaging an opposing team (which team are your rooting for?) with the objective of the goal (What success is your heart set on?). With Offensive and Defensive there is a development of three “platoons” of players. And, as on a team, in life we can see this picture unfold. So in a marriage (or any relationship with others), there are three players: You and another (husband and wife) and God in Trinity; or, you and another (husband and wife) and the enemy of God!
God sent us Savior, and a helper!
Satan sends us a tripper!
Get off the defense and take action to stand on God’s Word!
Opposing forces, the offense is set to win. Get off the defense and take action to stand on God’s Word!
What a strategy for Victory in Jesus and living a life in God’s Holy Word!!!
And this thought just come to me! Showing respect God’s Way is good, innocent and powerful! What a God we serve who knows the enemy well! What a strategy for Victory in Jesus and living a life in God’s Holy Word!!!
Today-Choose the Victory God has called you to! The offense is the team with the ball! If you have Jesus and a Bible in your hand –you can say, Holy Spirit you are welcome here! Remember who the real enemy is.
The defense is the team trying to prevent the other from victory, and to take the ball from them.
And, perhaps next time, we’ll discuss: How to love your enemy God’s Way. It’s written in the Bible for us to discover!
SUrrender soul-control to Victory in Jesus!
Final thought to share with you on today’s topic: In your situation, are you willing to take time away from how something makes you feel (soul-control); and ask God to discover the truth about which victory God is rooting for? And, Trust God to obey by your faith!
I hope this is a blessing to you. We only go through things to learn how to respond to things in Christ. Then, when we discover our blessings of understanding, I believe in due time, it is good to be a blessing to another by the same comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Blessed in a marriage based on love with God at the helm! Jesus take the wheel and thank you for the love we share! I hope this is a blessing to someone, even if only one. Perhaps, this was written just for you.
God’s love is just that personal! Hallelujah to Jesus, who is the Christ the Son of the Living God!
Love in Christ,
Karen Rowe
