Darkness before the Light – An Unexpected Journey

June 12, 2014

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My friends, I must thank you for your kind words of encouragement, emotional support, and prayers. As I share about our family’s unexpected journey of having a son convicted and sentenced to prison, at times I become emotionally drained. Then the physical exhaustion sets in.

After my son’s sentencing, my world fell apart.

All the months leading up to the trial, our son’s attorney showed us information that he could prove my son did not participate in the horrible tragedy that happened that night. I believed in the justice system. I believed that God would work out all things for good using this system. But there in lies the problem — I placed my faith in the system, not in God.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12 NIV).

My hope was deferred. My heart was sick to the point I could barely function in the months following my son’s conviction and transfer to the state penitentiary. Life became dark for me.

I still loved God. I hid myself away to spend time with Him. I told Him I trusted Him, but I no longer trusted people or systems. Eventually, with passage of time, I started socializing again. A little here and there. The Lord began to build my confidence and hope in who He is. I began to know Him on an intimate level that I had never experienced before.

Two years after the tragedy and one year after the sentencing, the Lord impressed on my heart that it was time to “Let go of the old, take hold of the new, and enjoy the ride.” So my husband and I traded in our SUV and purchased a sports car. I’ve never owned a sports car, and thought of them as frivolous purchases. But rationalized that it will be a while before grandchildren will come into my life. So why not?

Then we took a road trip to California, through Arizona, New Mexico, and back to Texas. On that trip, the Lord showed me it was time for me enjoy life. To let go and have fun.

It seemed the darkness lifted and dawn arrived. Light began to breakthrough. Following that trip, I published a Bible study that I wrote four years prior and taught it at my local church. I experienced the joy of functioning in my calling of writing and speaking.

Then I wrote another Bible study on prayer and taught it. More joy followed.

Then I began to write about our Unexpected Journey here at FGGAM and as I wrote I revisited the troublesome days. The heaviness came back. I struggled with battle against depression and all the negative emotions as if I were actually reliving those days of two years ago.

I trust God and I trust the promises He has given to me. However, emotions are very powerful and they overtook me. But our God is bigger than any of our emotions!

And I thank God for Dewey Moede’s persistent encouragement and prayers. And for others who share their stories here on FGGAM. I received a significant breakthrough when I read the post “I Wasted Time in Drinking and Partying.”

I wrote Dewey and told him, “There are many things I’ve been struggling with, BUT GOD is at work and delivering me. Though alcohol or drugs do not have me bound, I’ve allowed circumstances to keep me from enjoying life. This message convicted me that I’m wasting time and not enjoying the life God has for me.”

The testimony Dewey shared about the Trujillo’s showed me that I’ve been wasting time. God has moved me fully into the light of His Presence. I have the confident assurance He is with me and that HE really wants me to stop wasting time and to enjoy life.

God’s day begins in the evening, when the sun goes down. But then a few hours later the sun comes up and with it the light. That’s the cycle we experience with our Creator, darkness then light. I spent glorious time with the Lord in the darkest of days, but now it is time to live out in the light! It’s a new day.

My friends, if your life seems dark at the moment, it is only for a little while. Even if our circumstances do not unfold as we desire, God will bring the light.