Dear Dewey,
I am getting ready to celebrate my 10 year anniversary of surviving breast cancer! I have been reflecting on the experience and wouldn’t trade it for anything. God had a purpose in it for me. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord…plans to give you hope and a future.”
Following my annual mammogram I received a certified letter in the mail that said they found something unusual and to follow up with another mammogram in six months. Within days I got a call from my gynecologist and he said he was sending me to a breast cancer surgeon. He said he didn’t think I had cancer, but early detection saves lives! Within a week I saw Dr. Lise Walker and she said she didn’t think I had cancer, but wanted to do some tests. The appointment was scheduled and tests completed. I was anxious to get my results and get on with my life, because there was no reason to think I had cancer!
On July 10, 1993, I called Dr. Walker before I went home for lunch. She asked me if I was ready for this…and proceeded to tell me the news. She said I had two kinds of breast cancer, ductal carcinoma in situ and a small invasive tumor that was only 3 mm in size. To say the least, I was shocked and the phone call became a blur, but I remember two things she said, “We caught this early and I will get you through this.” My supervisor told me to go home for the day and I cried as I left work. When I drove in our driveway, I saw my husband and wondered how I would get the words out of my mouth to tell him that I had breast cancer. Somehow, I managed to tell him and I will never forget what it felt like to be held in his arms at that moment, as we both cried.
My diagnosis was unexpected and this was not supposed to happen! I was only 46 years old and we had just gotten married. We had just started a new life together and we were in process of building a new house. Besides, I had followed the rules and this is not what I had planned! I had never smoked; I worked out and kept my weight down; I had my children early in life and nursed them; I started having mammograms when I turned 40 years old….all things that help prevent breast cancer. My thought was that I wanted my life back, and I wanted it back without the c-word in it!
It felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails and it took some time to pick myself up and get ready to fight. July 10th was the day that I found out I had cancer, but it was also the day I began to treat it and get well again! Treatment for cancer is not like getting over a cold, it is more like running a marathon; it takes a long time and you need to pace yourself. My race included two lumpectomies, a mastectomy, chemotherapy, reconstructive surgery and months of recovery. As I was going through treatment, my gynecologist told me, “this all will be in your rear view mirror before you know it.” That gave me hope because the process to complete treatment took over a year. My family, my friends were all there to support me. People I didn’t even know came out of the woodwork to help me and now, I love being able to help others!
My doctors helped get me through this and breast cancer is in my rear view mirror, but it is often on my mind, just like any chronic disease. Yet it does not diminish the quality of my life. It was a life changing experience for me and I no longer linger over thoughts of how this happened to me. I know that God and the good choices that I made along the way saved my life and helped me finish the marathon. I gained clarity…about who I am and what I want from life. I look at life in a whole new way, as something I am blessed to experience. I rejoice in every day of life and try not to take my health for granted. My desire is to draw nearer to God and the people who bring meaning to my life.
In closing, Ps. 138:2 says, “I will give thanks to your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness, because your promises are backed by all the honor of your name.”
In gratitude,
Sonja Haldeman
1974 Graduate of Windom, Minn (Classmate of Dewey) Now lives in Surprise, Arizona.
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